Shattered

Heart break, longing for love the pain is of a different kind. It effects your mental and emotional state and the aching agony seems endless. My mind can't help but wander to the deep dark place it does every time the subject of having someone comes up or there is something that reminds of it, and the doubt of ever finding someone of my own clouds over. Maybe my perspective is ridiculous and I need to find a new way of looking at things to find some small trace of hope. As of now I frankly don't feel like it. My heart has been ripped out, shredded, and stomped on, I really don't think I can handle that again anytime soon. He was perfect, but I know it can never happen again, there are too many consequences. The after effects of falling in love is the most horrible hangover of the heart, and for fear of getting another pounding head ache I do not want to get drunk again.


A panic rises in me whenever I remember the vexing torment that I once experienced. For now the pain is a dull seasless throbbing that is so much apart of me that it goes unnoticed until it is thought of, and I want to keep it that way not wanting it to grow into the unbearable monster it used to be. Whenever it is thought upon though, it is a constant reminder of the former suffering. And so I won't place myself in that kind of vulnerable situation again. I must give up on love it is the logical solution to this mess of a problem I call my life, so I can at least try to function like a regular person again. I used to be normal, and then extremely happy, but it had to end as all wonderful things do, sending me spiraling downwards into a bottomless pit of dread. Surprisingly at times throwing me deeper than I thought possible, until I cannot find the end of it's masses, becoming desperate trying to dig myself from it's depths and at my many futile attempts, seemingly finding it impossible. The question is, can I really be sure that anything is impossible?